An Attempt to Improve a Clock

The relatively static positioning of clocks was always something of a "pet peeve" of Incredible Space Dracula, and in the early part of this month the idea was put forth to me to devise a solution to this problem. He kindly, although forcefully, suggested to me that I might help him to develop some form of walking clock. Now I have to say that at the time I found this idea to be entirely ridiculous, but I could not argue with him and so we set off at once to find the solution.

As you are most likely aware, clocks are, for the most part, entirely without legs which can function as a means of self-locomotion. I found this to be the obvious starting point for our journey into clock-improvement, and Incredible Space Dracula agreed. So it was settled then that we would start by creating legs for the clock. But which clock shall serve as the prototype? I would have to say that our preference in clocks lies unanimously with those of the grandfather variety, which are by far the largest form of clock, excluding those which are attached to clock towers1. But for the subject at hand, we were becoming extremely busy sorting out the technicalities of creating legs for a timepiece.

It was at this point that Incredible Space Dracula jumped 15 feet into the air and startled me. Somehow I decided that we should have an overall plan for the entire mobilizing process before focusing on one specific task. In this light, I have created2 a flow chart which shows the process and possible outcomes of our experiments. It is easy to follow and fairly self-explanatory, so I will leave you to study it on your own:

Figure 2.0

I was not entirely impressed by the bad result of fitting our walking clock with a brain. From my dream-experience, a world under clock rule is one of the most terrifying things a person could experience while remaining alive. Incredible Space Dracula, not having experienced this clock dominion, was very enthusiastic about a clock capable of entertaining the guests he is often forced to entertain on his own. I was becoming increasingly frightened by the intelligent clock, and it was for this reason that I pointed out to Incredible Space Dracula that the acquisition of a brain was tricky at best. I have no penchant for grave-robbing, and I was not about to supply my own brain for this experiment. Some stagnant water. It was at this point that Incredible Space Dracula began to consider remote control as an option.